Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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