Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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