If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
