you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
