He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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