I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
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you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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