it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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