M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
