hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize