i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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