Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
