I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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