you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
