Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
