someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
