Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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