no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
