Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
