wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
