Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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