I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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