This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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