I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
