it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
