Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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