I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I will pee on everything he values.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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