I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
