if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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