good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
