i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize