8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
