Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
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