Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
