the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
