It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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