That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
