Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
handjob tips. give me some.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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