Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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