Your tits are I can't wait for
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
