Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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