Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cockslap morals
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
