Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
