OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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