She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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