saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
