OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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