True but thats because hes a fetus.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
