i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
