I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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