I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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