whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
