His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
