watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
