my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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