why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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