i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Quick, to the slutcave!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
