i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize