I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
