Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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