im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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