you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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