he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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