please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
