I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
