finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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