She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
