Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
