I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize