forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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