The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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