I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
