dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
